The Uncertainties

One problem with me is that, I always have a mindset.
I always pre-set my mind into fear before "something" bad really happen.
Some people says that I worry for the unexpected, which is "unnecessary".
Where else some people claim it to be "expecting the unexpected".


For me is that, its good to expect. But it's bad to worry for the unexpected.
But, honestly, I can't help but to be worried.
Is there a right for me not to worry?
Seriously, I do not think I have the "honor" to not to worry.


Once again, I feel afraid with the upcoming roads ahead.
I used to have things planned.
Very well planned.

I wanna do this by
20
25
30
32
I wanna go here go there by this this this and that.
I wanna have this by this this this and that.

I was very proud with my achievements at the age of 18, 21 and then now, 23.


Seriously, that wasn't my problem.
But it seemed to be that I am being drown by those problems.
It feels scary and devastating to be starting from negative instead of zero.


I feel guilty that I could not act as if nothing is happening cause seriously, that's what that is happening.
And seriously, I want to have a certain, a stable, an affirmative road ahead.
It feels like living in the darkness.
Seriously.









This is definitely what I am feeling now.
I wish that I have the ability to settle it all at one go!
Seriously!
I don't wanna be living in fear.
The feeling sucks.



How long can I bear with it more?
It'll always be difficult and unwilling to let go.
But, can I really handle it for another year or so?
Even if I give it a year, would it be settled?
I do not wish it to be a never ending story... It hurts..



就让离开躺下句点....?




:: regards ::




rAe




PS: Just go away!