The Dream

Hello there! I'm now officially an adult.
The 23rd. The age whereby I have graduated from uni.
The age I start working, officially.
Its already the second month of work.
All I can say is, Time Flies.


Looking back at the first month I was working, I was still job-street-ing to search for a job that I would like.
Cause I was seriously having the thought that this job is not for me.
This is not what I want.
I was only trying to pass time in the office and get myself fed at the same time.
What a selfish-foolish thought.
It's another 4 more months upon the confirmation of my position now.
This job, is it within my ability of handling stuffs?
I'm trying.
Really trying hard.


*********************



I had a meaningful birthday for remembrance this year.
As what Mr. E said, it was my first birthday celebration together with him.
He wanted to make it profound.
I was so tired and sleepy on the 27th and I went to bed around 10 ish I think.
He was already so tired but still he put alarm to wake up and wish me.
It was very thoughtful and I really appreciate it much, but I was really really tired and I practically slept-walking. =.="
Yes he was very sweet and no, he did not really planned everything to give me surprise and all.
He said before he's not good at surprise.
It's okay =)


Sadly, things didn't have a complete beautiful full stop.
Some incident happened. Mr. E left his precious necklace in the hotel.
I was not very concern at first until then I was told that it was given by his mom.
The first thing that came into my mind was that, Oh shyt. I'm being imprecated.
For that everyone knows that his parents dislike me and then what now?
I made him lost his stuff that was given by his mom.
For God knows how much I was to cry and that we are like not meant to be together?
I felt so bad.
So bad that I couldn't really brain at all.


God knows how bad I am at talking. And yet, shyt happens. =(
IT was my day and it was SUPPOSED to end with a great smile!
Yeah, I am very good at asking why. I like to think WHY and then I put myself into a bad mood.
Typically Leo's. =.="
How was I supposed to feel/think Okay? =|


Fyi, things ended badly that night even though I was very glad that I manage to bring my family to Sumi-Ka for an awesomely pricey dinner. Damage badly in the pocket.
The bill came up to RM 400.
Ahhh well, expected..


*******************


Things are not so smooth between me and Mr. E recently.
Or shall I say, things are never smooth between us both.
Ever since the beginning.
Why?
Can I just disappear from all these?
Can I just escape?

Yes I wanted to rant so badly that I don't know how.
It's very sad to see my family being bothered by my problems.
I do not want to talk about all the stuffs I have disagreements with Mr. E.
But they like to ask and they wanted to know and then I get frustrated that I just want to hide in my own room not seeing anyone.
I feel bad. So bad that I wanted to whack myself so badly.
I'm such a bad person that I bothered the people who loves me so well.
How could I?


I swear to God that if the relationship doesn't work out this time around, I never want to get into another relationship anymore.
I call DellynnLim the Kuen almost everytime I have arguments with Mr. E.
She told me that she's now very afraid to see me calling her already.
Cause it means that I will mostly crying over the phone but the fact that she can't be here with me.
Rachel Ngiam. Feel guilty shall you!


*******************



Did I get polluted so badly that my thinking about "love" isn't that lovely anymore?
The thought of being selfless.
The thought of being caring.
The thought of being thoughtful.
The thought of being sweet.
The thought of being concerned about the relationship.
Selfless...
Where?


I.am.CUCKOO-ED!!!
I.really.need.to.rant.
I.need.to.be.sanitized.
Iambeingsuffocated. Ineedfreshness.
God of purity, please do come to me..



I need to quit blogging. Kthxbye!





Sunflower kisses - please come back to me! Desperately need you! =|



:: regards ::




Rae



Ps: I want the dream, the childhood, the fairytale kind of dream to come back to me!